


you are all that i need, my sanctuary

by lastoneleft



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Cuddling, Gray is bad with feelings, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Natsu is patient and so far gone for him, Touch-Starved, angsty but with a happy ending, ftlgbtpride2019, reassurance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 10:31:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19105312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lastoneleft/pseuds/lastoneleft
Summary: Gray is touch starved and terrified of losing the people he cares about.Natsu has been silently letting him know he isn't going anywhere until Gray decides he's ready to hear it.





	you are all that i need, my sanctuary

**Author's Note:**

  * For [splendidlyimperfect](https://archiveofourown.org/users/splendidlyimperfect/gifts), [friendlyneighborhoodfairy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendlyneighborhoodfairy/gifts).



> For day one of the Fairy Tail lgbt pride event. Prompt: through all the hard times, I'm on your side.
> 
> Note: This is my interpretation of the kind of patient, loving partner Natsu can be when he's matured.
> 
> Song title from Serena Ryder's Sanctuary.

Everything between Natsu and Gray is slow going. Natsu’s used to it by now but some people don't quite get it. Lucy comments on it from time to time, more surprised than confused that Natsu has the patience for it all when he's so  _ go, go, go _ with everything else in his life. Erza is more understanding. She’s known them since they were children. She knows Natsu knows Gray like the back of his hand, and that he's well versed in the patience it takes to coax anything deeper than a fight or a friendly back slap out of him. Erza knows Natsu will wait for Gray as long as he has to. She just wishes the road was a little easier for them.

Natsu wishes the same as he tentatively rubs Gray’s shoulders. “You don't have to,” Gray grumbles. Natsu's brows pinch together, but he doesn't flinch at the tone like he used to. Natsu’s figured out by now that the slight push back means Gray wants you to cling harder. He just doesn't know how to ask. It's a language Natsu struggles with sometimes, but he’s getting the hang of it. Half the battle with Gray is sticking with him.

“Shut up, idiot. You have knots in your back.” Gray leans back against the chair Natsu's sitting in, head tipping back between Natsu's legs so Natsu can see him roll his eyes upside down. Natsu sticks his tongue out at him, but a small, fond smile stretches over his face.

Gray studies him. “Why do you bother with me?”

Natsu’s fingers stop moving. His eyes meet Gray’s before he slowly says, “You know why.”

Gray has an idea that Natsu’s affection for him stretches beyond platonic. That doesn't mean he believes it. Natsu’s aware he doesn't believe it. The answer he’s given the last couple times Gray has asked would be a total cop out if he didn't know that telling Gray how he feels before Gray’s ready to hear it will send him running. “I might,” Gray says carefully. “Tell me anyway.”

“You sure?” Natsu asks. “Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to yet.”

Gray isn't sure, but part of him needs to know it’s real. Maybe if he hears it, he'll  _ start _ to believe it. “Tell me.”

Natsu stares at him until he decides Gray isn't going to push back for real. He trails a hand from Gray’s shoulder, up along the line of his throat and over his jaw. He runs a thumb over Gray’s cheekbone. “I care for you.”

It isn't  _ I like you. _ It isn't  _ I love you. _ But it isn't a cop out, either. Natsu is easing him into it, and Gray’s grateful. The first would have felt like one of those things you tell someone just because they want to hear it. The second would have sent him reeling even though Natsu's been chipping away at his defences for over a year with little to show for it.

“I mean it,” Natsu says against the doubt that nags at the back of Gray’s mind. “I promise.” Gray blinks against tears that threaten to well up in his eyes and swallows against the lump in his throat. Natsu leans down and presses a gentle kiss to Gray’s forehead, right over the scar he got on Galuna.

“That's…” Gray trails off when his voice goes tight. “Thanks.” He pushes off the ground and leaves the hotel room without another word.

Natsu lets out a deep sigh and slumps back in his seat. He considers going after Gray, but he’s already pushed his luck once today. Any more and Gray might close off on him all over again. Too much too fast would be worse than if he hadn't told Gray how he felt at all.

Gray barely speaks to Natsu on their job the next day, but he doesn't let Natsu get more than a few feet away from him either, even when they're fighting the master of the dark guild they've been hired to disband.

Erza sends them a couple questioning looks, but when Natsu doesn't seem to know any more than she does, she shrugs. She trusts Natsu to figure it out, even when Natsu has those moments where he feels he never will.

Gray’s quiet all the way back to their hotel room. Natsu has asked Erza to take Happy for the night again. He's sure something is going to happen, he just doesn't know what it is. If this thing between him and Gray is going to fall apart on him, he’d rather not have Happy around to watch.

“Hey,” Gray says when Natsu's out of the shower. He's back in Natsu's space again, standing so close Natsu can feel the chill rolling off of him. “I wanted to talk to you. About last night.” Natsu braces himself. He doesn't know what for, but he knows something's about to shift. “When you- I mean. I was wondering-" Gray takes a deep breath. "Can you do it again?” he rushes out, so quiet Natsu almost misses it.

Natsu blinks at him. Gray’s never asked for affection before. It took him six months not to shake Natsu off when Natsu so much as leaned against his shoulder. Sure, there's the odd day where Natsu can get away with holding his hand but it's always, always Natsu initiating.

Panic flashes in Gray’s eyes, and Natsu knows the recoil is coming next. He snaps out of his daze and slides a hand up Gray’s chest, revelling in the slam of Gray’s heart under his palm. He gently wraps his hand around the back of Gray’s neck. Natsu's about to stand on his tiptoes when Gray leans in. Natsu’s heart beats just as hard as Gray's, and he presses his lips to Gray’s forehead.

Gray's breath hitches and every ounce of hesitation he felt goes out the window. He wraps his arms around Natsu and pulls him in so tight Natsu's breath is knocked out of him. Gray all but curls around him, arms secure around his ribs, face buried into the crook of his neck, weight pressed almost entirely against him.

“Again,” Gray pleads quietly.

Natsu tries to wriggle free enough to tilt Gray's face up, but Gray squeezes him and shakes his head. Natsu settles for kissing him on the cheek. Gray's breath shudders out of him, and Natsu kisses him behind his ear, then his neck, then his shoulder. Gray’s nearly trembling when Natsu runs his hand up along his spine until it joins the one at his neck. He cards his fingers through Gray’s hair and gives a gentle tug until Gray stands up straight to look at him.

Natsu purses his lips. Too much too fast can be disastrous with Gray, but something in Gray’s eyes asks for more,  _ begs _ for it. Natsu has a feeling Gray’s too keyed up to ask. “Can I-”

Gray presses in closer, voice shaking.  _ “Please.” _

Natsu closes the distance between them, kisses Gray softly, knowing one wrong move can shatter everything.

It's Gray who surges forward and deepens the kiss, grabbing at Natsu so urgently he can hardly wrap his mind around it. When Gray licks into his mouth, he pulls back. “Wait.”

Gray’s trembling again and Natsu places another quick kiss to his forehead. “It's nothing bad, I just… I gotta know if you're okay.”

Gray’s face goes carefully blank and Natsu runs his fingers through his hair. “I thought I might have crossed a line last night. I didn't mean to. I know you have boundaries. Just… when you asked me to tell you, I figured…”

Gray’s mask cracks, and fondness lights up his face for a split second before anxiety sets back into his features, furrowing his brows together.

Natsu drags his hand from Gray’s hair to his cheek, then traces his thumb between Gray’s eyebrows until they relax and the lines disappear.

Natsu speaks softly, thumb still tracing over Gray’s skin. “I know this is a lot for you. And I get it. You've been through so much-” Gray’s eyes drop. “I just… I guess I want you to know this means something to me. It means a lot. I care for you.”

Gray’s eyes shine with unshed tears. “I'm okay,” he sputters. “I'm sorry I ran last night.” Natsu opens his mouth to protest but Gray shakes his head. “It was- I don't know. Overwhelming? But only ‘cause you kissing me made me realize…” Gray sucks in a slow, steadying breath. “It made me realize how much I wanted you to do it again. Or do it all the time and I got-” Gray chokes, and a tear slips down his cheek. “I got scared and I'm sor-”

“You don't have to be sorry,” Natsu says firmly. He brushes over Gray's cheek with his fingers, wiping the tear away. “I get it.”

Gray nods and pulls Natsu in again. “Can you h-” His eyes fall closed and he blurts out, “Hold me?”

Natsu slides both arms around the back of his neck again. “Like this?” Gray shakes his head. “...Do you want to cuddle?” Gray’s face flushes pink, but he gives a stiff nod.

Natsu places a gentle kiss against his jaw. “Okay.” Gray breathes a sigh of relief, drawing back long enough to climb into the closest bed.

Natsu’s barely settled in next to him before Gray is pressed into his side, sighing again when Natsu's arms are wrapped around him. Gray has a leg thrown over him, arm hooking under Natsu's so he can fist his hand in the back of Natsu's scarf. Natsu rubs gently at Gray’s back, nails lightly grazing his skin as he follows the length of his spine. Gray hums and tips his face up.

He blinks up at Natsu, lips almost set in a pout. It takes Natsu a minute to work out what he wants. He’d ask to make sure, but Gray’s already asked him for more than he ever has tonight. Natsu knows he'll appreciate it going unspoken. Natsu barely leans in before Gray has their lips crashing together. Natsu gasps, and Gray only hesitates a moment before he slides their tongues together.

Natsu kisses him back just as fervently this time, and Gray’s hands shake when he pulls back. “You- So… this…” Gray bites his lip, anxiety welling up in his throat until the words are choked back.

When he doesn't say anything else, Natsu guesses what he might want to hear. “This means something to me.” Gray relaxes, releasing Natsu's scarf to slide his fingers through Natsu’s hair. “I care for you.”

“Can you…” A beat of silence passes while Gray works up to what he wants to say. “Can you say the words?” Gray’s voice strains. “The real ones?”

Natsu smiles. “I love you.”

The seams that have been holding Gray together come apart and he breaks, burying his face in Natsu's neck and sobbing.

“I'm sor-sorry,” Gray mumbles against Natsu's skin. “I don't know wh-why-”

“Shh.” Natsu strokes his fingers through Gray's hair. “It's okay.  _ You're _ okay. I've got you.” Gray shudders against him. Natsu holds him tighter.

Gray takes a deep breath. There are still tears running down his cheeks, but he stops shaking and pokes his head up. “Can you… maybe, um, say it again?”

Natsu wipes the tears from Gray’s face. “I love you.”

Gray bites down on his lip, chest rising and falling rapidly. Gray’s fingers tighten in Natsu’s hair and he pulls him back in, kissing Natsu as if he'll disappear, as if Gray will slip through the cracks without him. Natsu kisses him slow, giving Gray time to suck in deep, sharp breaths between the silent sobs that begin to rack his frame.

Every time Natsu tries to pull back to ask if he's okay, Gray wrenches him in closer. Natsu tries again, and Gray makes a small sound of protest. “No,” he sniffs, breaking off and wiping at his face. “I need- I mean if you don't want- I understand-”

Natsu shakes his head, trailing his hands down over Gray’s back. “Gray-”

“This is dumb.” Gray presses his palms against his eyes and wipes at his nose. “S’gross.”

“I only wanted to know if you're okay,” Natsu says softly. “You aren't dumb. Or gross. You might just be overwhelmed.” Gray stares at him over his hands. “You were telling me what you need. What is it?”

Gray's quiet a few minutes while he catches his breath. “Just… this.” His eyes drop to Natsu's scarf, and he whispers, “Just you.”

Natsu kisses his forehead and pulls Gray in until Gray tucks himself under his chin. Gray twirls the tassels of Natsu's scarf around his fingers. A fresh wave of tears hits him every time he thinks he's done crying, and Natsu holds him a little closer whenever he starts up again.

Gray can barely move his fingers against Natsu's chest he's wrapped up in his arms so tightly. The air between them is warm, thick. He has to breathe deep and steady to get a proper breath in. Any other time he’d feel like he was being suffocated, but today, here and now, it's perfect. It's all he wants. All he needs.

Gray feels grounded for the first time in years. He isn't drowning anymore. He's safe.

There's still that fear ever-present in his mind. Something telling him that everything, everyone he loves ends up lost sooner rather than later.

With Natsu it can be different, he's proved that. Natsu’s still here after months of being turned away. That piercing, ringing voice has kept him from letting Natsu in, the idea of losing him more terrifying than not having him at all. But now that he's here, he can't go back. Opening up after all this time has him feeling exposed. Raw. Like a livewire, ready to implode at the smallest touch, or self destruct at the loss of it.

That fear kicks up, seeping out of every split seam of Gray's being.

But Natsu's here, holding him together the best he can, promising things Gray hasn't asked.

There are some things Gray needs to hear to have any hope of believing. “D-Don't-” Gray breathes. “Please don't-” Tremors tear through him. Natsu goes back to running his fingers along the length of his spine, calming him and coaxing the plea from him. “Don't l-leave. I need y- Natsu, please-”

Natsu doesn't hesitate to give his commitment. “I won't. I'm here.” Gray clings to him harder, and Natsu lets him nestle against his chest, inviting him in, welcoming him home. “You’ve got me. You always have.”

There’s a small part of Gray that doesn't want to believe it. That nagging doubt lingers, gnawing at him:  _ Something's gonna take him away. _ That's just how things work.

But Natsu's never lied to him before. Natsu's never failed him. He's been there through everything, offering himself unconditionally even when he has every reason to be as jaded as Gray.

Gray turns his head, sucking in a sharp lungful of air. He can hear Natsu's heart beating, loud, steady, soothing. “You, too,” Gray says softly. “You’ve always…”  _ Had me. _ His fingers tighten in Natsu's scarf. “I won’t…”  _ Leave. _ “‘M here.”

Natsu nods. “I know.”

There it is. That unwavering faith. That absolute trust. Even with Gray putting up a wall, Natsu believes Gray will come through for him when he needs it.

Gray turns back to Natsu, tucking a knee between his legs.

He places a gentle kiss against Natsu's neck. The deep, shuddery breath Natsu draws beneath his lips sets his skin on fire. Knowing Natsu wants this,  _ craves _ it as much as Gray does has him euphoric. So Gray does it again. Then again, over and over until Natsu's breathless, humming as Gray's lips move gently over his throat.

Natsu's hands make their way back to Gray's hair, nails dragging softly against his scalp. Gray pushes into the touch, presses in closer to Natsu.

Gray doesn't even realize he's hard until Natsu tenses against him. It’s the smallest shift, but Gray's so hypersensitive he arches into the touch, a small whimper rising in his chest.

Natsu’s hands still. “...Gray?”

Gray buries his face in Natsu's shoulder, cheeks burning, and for the first time tonight, his mind stops racing. “It, um. It feels… It helps. Please, let me.”

Natsu hesitates. Gray squeezes his eyes shut. “Okay,” Natsu says. “Whatever you need.”

Gray lets out a deep breath. Legs tightening around Natsu's thigh, he ruts forward, gasping at the sweet friction and the warmth of Natsu against him. Natsu kisses the top of his head, and Gray brings their lips together again.

Gray kisses Natsu hard, hands roaming, smoothing over his skin. He grinds against Natsu rougher with every hitch in Natsu's breath. It isn't long before Gray can feel Natsu hard against his hip, and that euphoria is back. Natsu has one hand wound firmly in Gray’s hair, and the other gently cupping his jaw. His kisses are soft, yet just as desperate as Gray’s.

The realization hits him hard. Natsu wants this, wants  _ him. _ It's enough to send Gray over the edge, with one last roll of his hips, Gray moans softly into Natsu's mouth, muscles going tense before he finally relaxes.

Gray kisses Natsu slower, breathing evening out, hands coming to settle on his hips.

“Did you…?” Natsu asks against his mouth.

Gray hums. “Yeah." He yawns. "Tired now, but I want you to…” Gray presses in where Natsu's still hard against him.

Natsu shakes his head. “I'm good. You're exhausted, you should sleep.”

“But you,” Gray murmurs.

Natsu kisses his forehead. “I'm okay. Let's get you cleaned up.”

Gray’s nearly asleep when Natsu gets back into bed, thoughts quiet for the time being. He’s emotionally drained, but when Natsu pulls him in close, warmth floods in his chest.

Gray knows there will be more to talk about tomorrow. More to deal with when he isn't bone weary. The thought is daunting. But listening to the steady, comforting sound of Natsu breathing, Gray thinks he can handle what tomorrow will bring.

After all, he's got Natsu.


End file.
